Diary of an Oxygen Sucker | 001

By Gerald Fie
Diary of an Oxygen Sucker | 001 by Mister Trivia

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What's with George Eads' Hair?

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What’s with Bradley Whitford’s Hair?

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Okay, Zeitgeisters, that’s as shallow an attention-grabbing start as one could ever want, but I really want to know. And sure, I’m really talking about Josh Lyman’s hair. (I’m like one of those people who insist on calling an actor by their character’s name – only in reverse. e.g. “Go Knight Boat!”) Whitford plays Deputy Chief of Staff, Josh Lyman, in the Aaron Sorkin -created, NBC television series The West Wing . He plays this part to a tee and now he’s set to do great things in the new Sorkin drama, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip . I know this last bit because the Angriest Ex-Video Store Clerk in the world told me. Oh, and Whitford ’s married to the awesome Jane Kaczmarek who plays mom, Lois, in the series Malcolm in the Middle. So Mr Whitford’s your regular pop-cultural icon and yardstick for excellence. We’re here in this, frankly, puzzling cultural landscape, because I’ve just finished watching season four of The West Wing on DVD. And Josh Lyman’s hair has bothered me througho...
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Missing Links

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If you've somehow become sucked into this 'blog through a Linked In post that came through this morning, my apologies. My erstwhile frenemy, Phil Jeng Kane, hit the wrong tickbox and somehow an invitation became a post. Modern Life, eh? Did the Cro Mags or Paleolithics have this problem? Did Neanderthals ever front at some kind of ritual gathering only to discover that the burning message tree in the valley below was not, in fact, meant for their inbox? Then lots of awkward standing around with one tribe wondering if it should offer these interlopers a haunch of their roast mastadon (pre-history fans send your haughty emails now). During the Middle Ages, did The Pope ever receive a hastily scrawled vellum saying something like: "Look, if you get a parchment from me and the rest of the monks at the Order of St Benedict referring to you in less than glowing terms Your Holiness, then it wasn't actually meant for you - we were having a laugh with the Heironymites of...
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Slap Happy

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Some quick thoughts on the Slap Chop.  NOTE: If you don’t know what that is or how it works spend some time watching the famous infomercial. You won’t even need to watch the whole thing.  You’ll get it before the first minute is over. The Slap Chop seems okay. I don’t like it quite as much as Vince does. But Vince also likes the Sham Wow so his judgement is in question as well as up for sale.  I wanted a Slap Chop because I don’t like chopping vegetables. I do it six days out of seven and find somewhat dull. I first learnt to chop vegetables as a kid working in my parents’ various restaurants, so I’ve have sliced a myriad of onions, a plethora of cabbage and a several tonnes of carrot in my time.  It’s boring and a tiny bit dangerous. Not sky diving dangerous, but certainly ‘get me to the emergency room, stat!’ levels of threat. But my main objection to the Slap Chop is the size of the appliance. The celery, potato etc that go into it, are all sliced at least o...
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Institutional Memory

By Gerald Fie
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Note: If you’re here, you were connected with Perth’s Film and Television Institute at some point. The FTI in the form that we know it, is being wound up and some of its functions are being taken over by ScreenWest. This is my idiosyncratic tribute to the FTI as it was formerly. I’m not someone who plans things. Depending on how well you know me, you might be saying “Amen to that” right about now. There was no plan to have anything to do with filmmaking when my friends and I entered our first efforts in the WA Film and Video Festival almost 35 years ago (forerunner of the WASAs). We made experimental films on Super 8 movie film; in-camera editing, falling down sand dunes, raw meat and tomato sauce representing the terrible effects of our filmic violence.   Super-8 was the cheapest type of movie film. 8 millimetres in width. You could shoot two-and a-half to three-and-a-half minutes depending on your frames-per-second. We had no money, so shot “longer” at 18 fps. Our ti...
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The Wheels of Perth City

By Gerald Fie
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I am confident that the good folk over at The Worst of Perth will have looked into this, but I couldn't find a mention of this over there. Not that I searched for more than a couple of minutes; their site is dense with Perthcentric gold. Have a look some time. Anyhow, when I was a kid, Transperth–then the Metropolitan Transport Trust–ran a campaign encouraging Perthites to take the bus. There was a jaunty tune which sadly I cannot reproduce here and a sprightly lyric which went something like this: We are the wheels of Perth City Leave the driving to us We are the Wheels of Perth (Take it easy) Come on and take the bus! There was even a mascot for all of this, an actual MTT bus driver nicknamed "Jimmy". This is something like thirty years ago, but my memory has him as John Denver looking fellow. And if you don't know who the late John Denver was - ask your grandfather. I believe Jimmy's brief was to be friendly; being a child at this time, I found t...
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My Dream Job #1

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Lamas, Dando and Gugino prepare for PSYCHIC LAW I was watching MEDIUM this evening (which is basically a more intelligent GHOST WHISPERER ) and I discovered my dream job. The boyfriend/husband role in a television series about a female psychic investigator. TITLE : Psychic Law GENRE : Supernatural Police-Legal Comedy-Drama PREMISE : Lacey Del Fuego (Carla Gugino of Spy Kids, Spin City & Sin City ) can see dead people. Unfortunately she sees them while working at her job as a high powered realtor in Los Angeles. After freaking out herself and potential clients at a number of homes open (lots of hilarious opportunities for dead movie star cameos in old Hollywood mansions) Lacey decides to stop fighting her abilities and to use them. Lacey persuades her de facto husband Merrick Fong (Mr Trivia) that their family (their adorable 6 year old Eloise) should up-stakes and move to Austin, Texas where Lacey’s family originally hail from. At first, Merrick is reluctant because this ...
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State of Excitement!

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The W.A. flag. That's a black swan, folks. Zeitgeisters, we Western Australians are supposed to celebrate something called Foundation Day on June the 1st. However this is the kind of thing that you can’t get an entire community behind anymore. Politics, see. So because Mr Trivia’s Tract is about uniting all the people of the world in a dance of joy, I propose to celebrate something about Western Australia in which the people of this great state can feel a warm, glow of pride. Perth is home to Central Park tower which ranks 105th on a listing of the world’s top 200 tallest buildings! 105! Woohoo! One-oh-five! One-oh-five! One-oh-five! One hundred and fifth tallest building in the WORLD! Boo-YAH! Check out the stats here , and sit back in awe, wonder and quiet contemplation at the science, technology and sheer West Aussie know-how that produced this glittering jewel in the crown of Australian Architecture. Elevate the Magnificent, Mr Trivia
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Embrace Your Inner Muppet

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Zeitgeisters, Bert (below right) and Ernie of Sesame Street. You gotta love them. For many of us this was the first comedy duo we ever saw perform. When I was six years old these two were my Martin and Lewis, Abbott and Costello, Morecambe and Wise. Ernie was my favourite, naturally. I couldn’t understand why Bert was always trying to spoil Ernie’s fun. Ernie had energy, liked a laugh and knew how to enjoy life. Bert was a good guy, but he had an authoritarian bent. I was tidying up around the house yesterday and I turned up a miniature Ernie Plushie that I bought a couple of years back. He’s something like the one pictured, but mine looks a little sadder and in need of some help from a charitable organization. I picked up charity case Ernie and was working out where to place him (on top of the fridge? Computer?) when I had an epiphany. I realised that I had shifted from identifying with Ernie in my youth to being someone who embodies more of the qualities of Bert in my adulthood. I am...
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Celebrating AFHVS

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And Zeitgeisters, if you don’t know what AFHVS stands for, you’ll be stunned to discover it means Australia’s Funniest Home Video Show (Nine Network). And yes. AFHVS is mediocre, mainstream, middle-of-the-road and vanilla. Or is it? (I learnt that little technique in high school debating.) No, it’s actually bold, ground-breaking and revolutionary. “And why the hell is that. Mr Trivia?” I hear you ask. Let us rewind to a recent Saturday. Witness the following: video-tape of a middle-aged couple sitting on a porch swing. Naturally, they swing back and forth. And like everyone else, I was thinking, yep, them chains is gonna bust and them two is gonna end up on th’floor! (Sorry , I’ve been watching the The Andy Griffith Show on Access 31). However, totally against all expectations, a dog leapt up and one of the couple fell out of the swing! That chain was supposed to break! After fifteen years of AFHVS there was nothing else that the chain could do, but break. It was a certa...
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