Join The Far Queue

We used to queue in Australia. So much so that the title for this blog entry is actually the punch-line for an Aussie joke. Its where the shop assistant tells you to go when it’s really busy and he or she can’t possibly help you.

These days we’re American so we get in line, but indulge me for the duration of this blog (like you usually do). It will always be referred to as queuing on these pages.

I went to the supermarket this afternoon to gather supplies for La Weekend. Just across the road we have a brand new and poorly designed shopping area, where the queues curl around the aisles and everyone gets in the way of everyone else.

I waited patiently in the multi-checkout 10 Items or Fewer* queue. There were three possible checker-outerers; it was a spin of the roulette wheel. I had no control over who I would get.

So, would it be Tess, the smart-aleck Emo chick with a tiny metallic skull on the choker around her neck; like a cat’s bell? She would process my groceries quickly. Or would it be Garth, sort of a munted version of E of Eels fame? Nobody and nothing is cool enough for him. He’s the acknowledged top gun scanner and bagger of the market, even quicker than Tess. Both these kids always ask “Do you have Flybuys?” with a hint of condescension and boredom that I enjoy. I don’t take it personally. On the contrary I share their contempt for the very notion of customer ‘reward points’.

No. It was Kelly of the Vacant Stare. Lost somewhere between My Little Pony and working out which Super Fund she should go with. Kelly doesn’t really know what an artichoke is. Not really sure what a leek is either. In fact she is uncertain about anything that doesn’t have a barcode on it. I get to her checkout just ahead of Garth’s customer and just behind Tess’s. I leave after both these customers are long gone.

As always, the Far Queue is a state of mind, not an actual place.

Elevate

Mr T.

*Thank You Clive James

New Toaster! New Toaster!

Hi Bostwickians,

Barry Bostwick*, Hollywood Legend here. A little tired of all this coyness on behalf of Mr Trivia about whether I am him or he is me. As my old buddy Pete Fonda used to say, “Just swallow the damn thing and we’ll work it out as we go along.”

What’s got the Bost-meister so jazzed this a.m.? Why my new toaster. Its part of the Sunbeam Café series – it’s a two slot TA9200 – and it even has a high lift lever for those times that muffins or crumpets break off in the toaster body. No more scrabbling, no more reaching for that fork and wondering if you can be bothered switching off the power or will you play “voltage chicken” just one more time?

This toaster is built of stainless steel and has simple controls, but solid press-able buttons and switches. It reminds me of the kind of heavy duty kitchen equipment my Uncle Harry used to have in his diner. We used to visit Harry and Aunty Nell in Boston back in the early 1960s. I used to watch him polishing all that chrome, glass and steel. Sometimes he would make me a deep-fried waffle with maple syrup au gratin on a bed of cheese. It sounds terrible and really was terrible. Made me puke up every time.

I had the Sunbeam flown in from the Germany. The only drawback of living here on the shores of Lake Como is that there are no really good appliance stores nearby.

I had Jack Black, Sam Mendes and Kate Winslett over at the House and we watched the original THE MATRIX again on DVD. It still holds up. That boy Keanu did a bang-up job. And Hugo Weaving as Agent Smith! Hugo and I keep bumping into each other in LA and we’re still trying to find a project together. He’s keen to do some O’Neill. Passé, much? I would much rather do some Simon. Me as Oscar Madison. Hugo as Felix Unger. Woot! I got goosebumps. Gotta find my Blackberry

The night with Jack and the Mendeses ended a little awkwardly; Jack was explaining how he’s on a Ritalin-type drug between movies and has to ease off a little during a shoot so his patented ‘whackiness’ can come out. Or is ‘whack-ness’ what the kids are saying now? Note to self: Hire Assistant to keep me updated on youth and trends.

Sam got a little bored with this and started looking through my DVD collection. He picked up AMERICAN BEAUTY and nodded approvingly. Then he picked up my copy of JARHEAD. He paused. What came next I could already see coming from a mile off. He looked puzzled. Then he said, “Do you have a copy of ROAD TO PERDITION, Barry? I can send you one if you’d like?”

It was really uncomfortable. But I haven’t lived for 62 years without learning how to handle myself. I told Sam that PERDITION was a maladroit art film that actually made the gangster genre seems bloodless and dull. Kidding! Actually I told him Rudi the housekeeper must have borrowed it.

Then I got some bouillon cubes out of the freezer, toasted up a stack of croutons and made some of my famous Bosto-Bouillabaisse. It’s based on a recipe taught to me by my old grandmother from the Crescent City.

Till the Clouds Roll By

Barry Bostwick*


*Barry Bostwick although a real Hollywood actor (and one classy guy) is, for the purposes of this blog, the alter-ego of the semi-fictional Mr Trivia. Geddit?

P.S. It's my lawyer, Lyndsey. She's the killjoy.

Making A List

Zeitgeisters,

I’ve embarked on yet another verbal quest. This time, I’m focussing on lists. Have you noticed that when asked to give a report on the variety and number of ‘things’ that we have seen or experienced and these are greater in number than we can accurately relate, then we usually attempt to give highlights and then fall back on a vague statement of multiplicity.

For example:

Q. How many different items do Mitre 10 hardware stores stock?
A. Well, there’s roofing nails, fuse wire, rubbish bins, house paint – and so on.

Or perhaps:

Q. How many times have you been disappointed by the Australian Labor Party?

A. Well, they started the HECS scheme, there’s their bulldust uranium policy, their privatisation of formerly public owned utilities, Keating’s hubris, Beazley’s passivity and now Kevin Rudd’s crap about my taxes continuing to go to private schools. You name it.

The set up is always similar. An attempt to enumerate the range of items and then the statement suggesting there is so much more to count that the effort is simply too great.

From this week I’ll be doing the following. When asked any question that would usually elicit a response as above, I intend taking a sharp left turn.

Allow me to demonstrate:

Q. So, is it me or are there a lot of events that make up history?
A. Yep. There’s the Battle of Hastings and the list goes on.

One item, people. Then drop in the “and etc”. It saves time and you will appear to be in command of your subject.

Why should we expend time and energy on an impressionistic account that will always come off as sketchy and makes one appear ignorant or lazy?

One item. And the list goes on.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

In My Day...

Yes Zeitgeisters,

Be wary of any old geezer who starts a sentence with those dread words: “In my day…” If you are younger than the In-My-Dayer, then you may feel a little resentful, as Your Day – also known as The Present – is not yours by choice. Its difficult to feel that what comes after those three dangerous words is anything but a thinly-disguised attempt to elevate The Past at the expense of The Present.

And so it is with my next piece of rant-age. Youngsters, feel free to leave the room or at least turn your backs in disgust. I’m Mr Trivia and I will be your Old Geezer this evening.

One has accepted that popular music, the charts, the Billboard Top 100 and what-have-you are indicators of very little other than the most promoted acts and artists the record companies want to push. It was ever thus.

So where are headed with this Mr Triv?, I hear you ask. Well, Peaches in is the country apparently, and she is programming tonight’s edition of RAGE (free to air music videos on Australia’s national broadcaster, the ABC) and her choice of videos has reminded me of something I have been dimly aware of for a while.

More in less in a row, she programmed Pat Benatar (Love is A Battlefield, 1983), Cyndi Lauper (Time After Time, 1984), Kate Bush (Babooshka, 1980) and Sheila E (Glamourous Life, 1984). All were acts from approximately the same chunk of the 1980s. All were charting artists in their day. And suddenly, seeing them all in a bracket brought home to me how much things had changed.

At the time, you could hear Pat, Kate, Cyndi and Sheila on Top 40 radio, they weren’t particularly edgy; they were quite marketable. But compare ‘em to Nelly Furtado, Avril Lavigne and Hillary Duff (all on the Billboard Top 50 this week) and those women of the 1980s suddenly look like Riot Grrls bent on feminist revolution.

Yep, 20 years have passed and things have to change, but Britney and Jessica et al? Role models? Very young women who know a good business plan when they see one? Any chance that they might sing something that isn’t totally retro, sexist bullshit.

Avril Lavigne, who in interview seems to be under the illusion that she has strong opinions and is nobody’s puppet, has these lyrics in her song “Girlfriend”:

[Chorus]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There's no other
So when's it gonna sink in
She's so stupid
What the hell were you thinking?

Right. So let’s see if we can sum up the point of view here. Your girlfriend is stupid. You’re kinda stupid for being her boyfriend. But despite that I still want to be your girlfriend. Bleeahhh? Anyone?

Yeah, its only a lyric. And Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl” isn’t a creepy song about a guy who stalks his best friend’s girlfriend.

Yeah, its only taste. Maybe the Pussycat Dolls are good for music and are really going where those sad, feminazis of yesteryear feared to tread. “Don’t’cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” Woot!

Where’s the flippin’ wit, personality, intelligence and humour, people? It’s flowed away from the mainstream and can only be found on the margins.

I’m Mr Trivia and I’ll be your Old Geezer this evening.

Elevate the Past,
MT.

Celebrating The Brother AX-10

Zeitgeisters,

Many moons ago, I used to write on a Brother AX-10 typewriter that my parents bought for me for on one of my birthdays. This goes into my Top Five List of Greatest Gifts That I Ever Received (Childhood/Adolescent Division).

The Brother AX-10 was awesome because it could - get this - erase about a sentence and a half with this miracle dry 'white-out' ribbon. For those of you raised exclusively on computers, this meant 'no cut and paste'. I know. It was scary. Writing that one hardcopy while sabre-toothed tigers prowled outside the cave, was quite the ordeal.

My AX-10 was grey, I think the photo above is the American model. Anyhow, I'd like to Celebrate this old piece o' tech from a bygone era, because I thought it was great at the time and I wrote a lot of stuff on the one I owned.

Thanks Mum and Dad

Mr Trivia

P.S. Tech-Geeks if the above is not an AX-10. Let me know, please.

Mash Up

Zeitgeisters,

Here's a pic of the DYNASTY cast reunion from April 2006. I believe they reunited for this photograph, but didn't tape a special - DYNASTY RELOADED or somesuch.

For those of you who might not remember the show, it was set in the Korean War and focussed on the activities of a moblie army surgical hospital. The series followed the lives of the medical staff who used humour to help them through their grim task - patching up young soldiers who were injured on the front-line. This tragic-comic half-hour broke new ground in American network television and the final episode - "Goodbye, Farewell and Amen" in which the characters of Krystle and Alexis played by Linda Evans and Joan Collins respectively, fought and fell into a swimming pool, remains the highest rated episode of a night-time soap opera in US television history.

Some confuse this show with MASH, a vapid hour-long sitcom which detailed the lives of the super rich Colby and Carrington families. The frankly ludicrous story situations centred around the activities of Walter "Radar" O'Reilly who had an almost psychic ability to tell if the market was about to go into a boom or bust cycle.

The two shows did overlap for a period in the early 1980s, but are as different as the actors Kirk Douglas and Burt Lancaster. This pair of macho stars from Hollywood's Golden Age were so frequently mistaken for each other during their career, that they made the movie TANGO AND CASH as a kind of in-joke and affectionate portrayal of the gangster movies of yesteryear.

P.S. I haven't slept for 36 hours, so the above may contain some slight factual errors which I shall attend when I wake in about 36 hours.

Elevate the Insig
Mr Triv

For Your Consideration #1

Zeitgesiters,
Oscar Buzz doesn't just happen. As Peter Biskind was keen to tell us in his book Down and Dirty Pictures, often-times one, or one's studio has to manufacture it.

We here at Mr Trivia's Tract, would like to get the ball rolling to see if we can influence The Zeitgeist enough, so that a candidate of our choosing can nab Oscar gold in 2008.

We will go over some names with you in the coming weeks to see if any one of them sounds - or more importantly feels - like a winner. We don't want to disperse our chi on this one, so we would like to propose concentrating on the Best Actress or Best Actor award.

This year these awards went to Hellen Mirren (The Queen) and Forest Whittaker (The Last King of Scotland) respectively. Next year? Who knows? (See our 2007 Oscar recap)

For your consideration today is Seann William Scott (he of the superfluous letter 'n'), Seann is best known for playing the rather one-note and frankly unfunny role of Stifler in the American Pie franchise.

His poor choice of acting vehicles makes our job so much more difficult and so much more worthy if we are sucessful. Check out the way he's smoking that coffin nail in the top image. Man, he looks uncomfortable. This frozen sample of Seann's charismatic performative skills should persuade at least some of you that he can make it to centre stage in the Kodak Theatre next February.

According to IMdb Seann has just completed Trainwreck:My Life as an Idiot, is filming Gary The Tennis Coach and has done voicework on the animated feature Space Chimps.

It doesn't sound too promising, sure, but if we all just get behind Seann and concentrate our collective will, then we could flap a metaphorical butterfly wing and create an Oscar upset in Mr Scott's favour.

Or perhaps you will choose one of the others.

Elevate the Insignificant

Mr Trivia

Lift The Ban!

Zeitgeisters,

Ban ki-Moon is the UN Secretary General. Did you know that? Award yourself 10 points if you did. If you didn’t, then you’re not alone. Mr Ban’s current profile is pathetic. Ban’s predecessor, Kofi Annan, worked the room, internationally speaking, like an absolute champ.

To be fair, Ban has only been in the Big Chair for the last two months, but time’s a-wasting. Ban ki-Moon The Brand is in crisis. It’s time for some solid thinking about a possible re-launch or at least a re-positioning of the Ban Man.

Look here and here for some Ban-data. Then look into your hearts to help make Ban a household name.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Is It Just Me #5

Is it just me, Zeitgeisters?

Or do some people spend an amazing amount of time at the drive-thru at McDonalds? (No need to get all Morgan Spurlock on me here, I am aware of the glaring flaw in my premise). I refer to the elapsed time between arriving at the window and looking at the menu until one makes one's order to the pissed-off adolescent in that charming glass booth.

What are people up to when they take seemingly two minutes to order? Maccas has a very brief menu. Isn't it more like a back-lit autocue, an illuminated palm card, a fluorescent aid to memory, rather than an actual menu? Are the members of the Two Minute Club looking at a wine list that I have overlooked? Or as one of my friends has suggested, Are they looking for something that SIMPLY ISN'T THERE?

Or Is it just me?

Elevate the Insignificant

Mr Trivia

Rental Accomodation Tip

Zeitgeisters,

My brother and I were geeking out to HEROES a couple of nights back. I hadn’t watched the series at all (we’re up to ep. 7 in Oz) and I was enjoying watching it unfold. It’s clearly a post-LOST series; an ensemble drama with a large cast that all have major plotlines and back-story, but to counter the major criticism of LOST, it pays out information more rapidly.

The thing that occurred to me was very minor, so naturally I will have to share. There was the obligatory scene where one of the good guys, Mohinder Suresh (Sendhil Ramamurthy), brings the cops back to an apartment that has a lot of suspicious stuff in it, that could help put them on the trail of his murdered father. And of course, by the time the police get there, the apartment has been cleaned out completely. Not a stick of furniture, not a filament of hair.

Thing is, in Australia, when you have to clean out the place you’ve rented, even if you have, say, a week to do it, and even if you’re really diligent because you need to get your bond money back, some eagle-eyed property agent will usually find something to bitch about.

There will be a small glob of fat inside the range hood that will be visible only if you remove the filters and climb inside with a 1000w torch. Or dust in the far corner of the top shelf of the built-in-robes in the master bedroom.

I think if the cops have a property-agent on stand-by there would be no way that the bad guys can pull this particular swifty. This is how I see it; the police bust into an apparently empty apartment. Nothing is visible to the naked eye. They send in the property agent. Their report will be clear: “Signs of nefarious deeds in airing cupboard on landing,” or perhaps “Evidence of massive conspiracy being covered-up behind planter in the atrium.”

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Still The One

Zeitgeisters, When I see Eddie McGuire, I want to paraphrase SEINFELD and say, “Eddie You Magnificent Bastard!” For those who don’t know, Eddie is the sportcaster-turned-quiz-master,turned-Network-CEO, turned-quiz-master and still-CEO-of-Nine.

When he was anointed as Nine CEO thirteen months ago, it was a left-of-centre decision. A little like the way CJ Cregg went from Press Secretary to Chief of Staff on the WEST WING. (Yes, it all comes back to the WEST WING and CJ).

People in the know and many ordinary punters like ourselves, heaped derision on this way-out appointment. Were we expressing a secret communal wish? Were we really saying that we wanted Eddie to continue hosting WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE, THE FOOTY SHOW and commentate Channel Nine’s AFL broadcasts? Perhaps.

Surprisingly, there were those who didn’t love the ubiquitous McGuire. “Eddie Everywhere” they dubbed him and it wasn’t a compliment. Others, churls to a man, suggested that McGuire couldn’t possibly commentate the football whilst being President of the Collingwood Football Club. These small individuals made piffling accusations of a so-called conflict of interest.

McGuire defended himself with a clever use of the I’m Not As Bad As Some technique :

“When you look at conflict of interest I don't think I would rank in the top ten in football. When you look at it the chairman of the AFL commission had conflicts, the president of Carlton certainly has conflicts, you would say that Steven Silvagni - as a commentator and self-confessed salary cap cheat has conflicts and he is now a board member of Carlton". (Quote courtesy Media Man.)

Note his words. “I don’t think I would rank in the top ten…” Right there is the humility that his critics never seem to appreciate.

Now Eddie has left behind all that ugliness. He or his Network Nine minions have done the hard yards, taken a gamble and copied an Endemol game show (1 vs 100) that’s been a hit in every other market in the world.

But the piece de resistance - Eddie has come out of his on-air retirement to host this great new show about winning money.

The CEO has still got it! Absolute Freakin’ Genius, Mr McGuire. The popular host of Australia’s most popular gameshow (MILLIONAIRE) returns to kick ass and take names. Nine could have got anyone, Jules Lund, Deborah Hutton, Don Burke (kidding!), but instead they chose the boss.

Imagine the conversation:

INT. NINE BOARDROOM. DAY

Lackey 1:
So I guess we should do this 1 vs 100 show, it’s a huge hit.
It’ll rule Monday Nights.

Lackey 2:
But we gotta problem, Boss. Who we gonna get to host it?

McGuire:
Hmmm, that’s a tough one.

Lackey 1:
Yeah, we need someone with talent and charisma…

Lackey 2:
Someone with a proven track record at game-shows…

McGuire:
But Bert’s already doing FAMILY FEUD and 20 to 1.

Lackey 2:
What about…you…Boss?

McGuire:
Come on, how would it look? What about Richard Wilkins?

Lackey 1:
It's gotta be you, the people will demand it.

McGuire:
But I’m the Boss of the Network. Wouldn’t it look…I dunno,
try-hard and like I wasn’t cutting it in the Big Chair?

Lackey 1:
No, siree

Lackey2:
No way!

McGuire:
Okay. I’ll do it!

And scene....

Eddie McGuire, you Magnificent Bastard. Going where angels and ethicists fear to tread. You are indeed, STILL THE ONE.

Elevate the Magnificent

Mr Trivia

Whiskers On Kittens

Zeitgeisters,

As you know, we are nothing if not deep at Mr Trivia’s tract. When I am not pretending to be Barry Bostwick or playing Cat Stevens' hit Father and Son on my work computer to impress people with my sensitivity, I am making up lists of my favourite things.

Currently, these are my few of my Favourite Things…

1.Coffee
2.The Internet
3.My iPod
4.My digital camera
5.Democracy

Co-incidentally this turns out to be the same list as controversial ex-Western Australian Premier and lobbyist Brian Burke. Okay, democracy wasn’t on his list and his Motorola* phone was, but apart from that, the similarity is striking and merely fictional.

What, friend, would currently make it on your favourite things list?

Elevate The Insignificant

Mr Trivia

* Who knows what Burkie’s actual mobi of choice is?

Groovy Kind of Love

Hi Zeitgeisters,

You may recall "The Non-Ironic Use of Groovy" post. Responses were varied, but I think its an idea whose time has come. Again. And that's groovy not "groovy".



Here are some of the responses:

When I say groovy I have taken to saying it in earnest, so there's one for the records.
Steve


I think groovy is eligible for a resurgence... after all .... did 'cool' ever leave? I don't think so, or at least not in my time, cool has been happening since it happened.

Bring on the groovy I say - it's one of those nice sounding words like Google, Yahoo, Pay Pal, YouTube. In fact, I think Groovy will make a huge comeback to the point of being appropriated for use as the name of a multinational behemoth internet startup come world domination force. Then, alas, groovy will once again become about as cool as 'ibm'.
Evan


It’s a situational thing, it’s a personality thing.

You can get away with groovy on a face value level – I could actually legitimately see you saying “Groovy belt” and it was believable. But if you were, say, in a Heads of Department meeting, not sure it would swing the same way.

Me? Not so much, I think me saying groovy would be just not believable, so I would need to go with the ironic. But then, if I was at a (…) party and it came up, then maybe it would be passable.

So – situational, personality – it’s all contextual.
Lisa


Groovy is perfectly acceptable and it’s about time the world admits it; I myself have been using it with some brio for years now.

Death to irony...we mean it maaaaaaaan.
Cathie


I use groovy all the time. Mainly because Ash (Evil Dead) made it forver cool.
Tim M


As a man whose outrageous use of world-class irony in front of mere students led to such abundent confusion, I say you use whatever words you want, where and when you like. Who is anyone else to judge you on your adjective appreciation for young women's fashions?

This comes from a man who used "gadzooks" as an expression of surprise for many years in his 20s.
Fletch


As with most terms that have walked through the valley of death, you really must pick your moment ˆ and company ˆ carefully when trying to pull off serious use. I think it is too early for groovy‚ to make a full scale comeback. No matter how hard I try to push it out of my mind, it always brings a shaggy haired stoner n a green t-shirt to mind. And that isn’t good for anyone.
Liz S


To answer the question about the term ‘Groovy’, I highly doubt it will come back into fashion. The only way it could make a come back is if Paris Hilton stops saying ‘That’s hot’ and starts saying ‘That’s groovy’…which I highly doubt!
Candice

Killer Trailer

Zeitgeisters,

Because I don’t know one game console from the other, and am not that interested in finding out the differences, the gaming world just passes me by. Sure, I know what a Nintendo Wii is, but I’m sure that even George Pell, the Archbishop of Sydney, knows one when hii sees it by now.

So even though this video trailer has been out for six months or more, I just saw the Gears of War, Xbox ad on the telly. Yep, it’s the Gary Jules’ cover of Tear for Fears’ Mad World brilliantly cut to game images. Not a single sound effect. It all rests on juxtaposing the delicateness of the song with the imminent violence of the pictures. Very clever

Sure, I could embed the YouTube video right here. But like I said above , Mr Trivia is old skool. So go here.

Elevate The Insignificant

Mr Trivia

Wonders In Wool

Shatner - "Stand A Little Less Between Me...And...The Sun".

Zeitgeisters,

We all love Aussie Wool. It makes fine sweaters, cardigans and jumpers as well as suits and other apparel that I have not bothered to research at this juncture. However, how many of us ever think of using it as a medium for art?

Witness William Shatner from Star Trek - The Wrath of Khan; Julie "The Bishop" Bishop MP, Federal Minsister for Education, Science and Training - as you've never seen them before; runner-up portraits in this weekend's Archibald Prize? They wish.

These two pictures may appear, at first glance, to be nothing more than photographic images altered with the Photoshop filter "dry brush". And yet, when I tell you that each of these is a hand-woven image using tens of thousands of strands of 100% Australian Wool, you might not believe me.

You might even call me a down-right liar, when I tell you that I made these in 2006, during the hundreds of hours that I tirelessly watched the telly, especially NCIS, CSI and What Not To Wear (with Trinny and Susanna). And that naming the portraits after Diogenes' quotes was an idea I got from watching a story on philosophy done by Nitro on Channel Nine's The Shak.

You could even call my tale a baseless fabrication invented by a delusional blogger who has finally lost the ability to distinguish his fevered dreams from reality - but have you just sold two woollen portraits to the Guggenheim Museum for millions of US dollars? I thought not.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

The Bishop - “He has the most who is most content with the least”

This Just In....

Dr Ziggy Switkowski, Julie Bishop calls him fine, but we think he's "dreamy".

Zeitgeisters, according to ABC on-line:

The Federal Government has appointed Ziggy Switkowski as the chairman of the Australian Nuclear Science and Technology Organisation (ANSTO).

Mr Switkowski was appointed to the board of ANSTO in 2006 and headed up Prime Minister John Howard's task force into nuclear energy last year.

The federal Science Minister, Julie Bishop*, has told Channel Nine that Cabinet approved the appointment on Friday.

"He is a very fine Australian," she said.

"He brings a great intellect and commitment to his work and I believe he will be an ideal choice to head up ANSTO as we move into this period of seriously discussing nuclear power as an alternative to coal." (emphasis added.)

I dunno. Is there any alternative to coal that doesn't have the potential of dangerous side effects? Isn't this the kind of DUMB-ARSE THINKING that got us in this MESS in the FIRST PLACE? (see previous entry for more hysteria.)

Mr Trivia promises he will lie down in a corner with a wet towel over his head and chew a couple of Mersyndol. No more political rants for awhile.

Elevate etc...

MT

* The Fed Science Minister will now be referred to as The Bishop in this blog.

Hell No, We Won't Glow

Zeitgeisters,

I may have given the impression on one or two occasions that this blog is something of a love letter to that d*cksnap John Howard, the current Prime Minister of Australia (aka Terra Australis, the Wide Brown Land, Down Under et al.) And if so, I really haven’t been doing my job.

However, because having a go at the pollies is really the job of crikey.com.au I am usually content to concentrate on celeb’s hairstyles and reminding people that Barry Bostwick is awesome. Sometimes, Howard’s attitude to the electorate is so insulting that I gotta exercise my democratic right to have a go.

John Howard is being quite obtuse. That’s if you’re generous and not prone to conspiracy theories. Apparently he thinks using nuclear power is the answer to the nation’s ‘energy needs’ as well as the answer to global warming.

Climate-change-wise – Howard’s idea is a little like being trapped in a garage with a car engine running and pinning your hopes on a battery-powered electric fan to save you. Oh yeah and the electric fan is deadly to all your friends and neighbours for generations, but lets not push a dodgy analogy even further.

Howard has described opposition to nuclear power as a ‘fear campaign’ but I am not sure who these people are, who are so convinced that nuclear energy is safe. The “would you live next door to one” argument may seem childish and reflexive, but would you?

I don’t trust the people who are doing the reassuring. I think they might have a bit too much invested in this for their judgement to be considered impartial. And even if they have now produced the failsafe nuclear power plant – benefit of the doubt here - we know they haven’t solved the nuclear waste problem.

So why all the freakin’ hubris from Howard and his buddies? People who are concerned about their safety are asking a perfectly reasonable question. Why this automatic reflex to put this kind of questioning down as left-wing, anti-scientific or anti-business? I like to think of questioning the government as one of my many jobs, especially when my medication wears off.

I don’t like the idea of living near a power nuclear power station and I like even less the idea of living somewhere that is a thoroughfare for nuclear-waste transportation. And seriously who would be okay with this?

Hold on, maybe I can effect political change with an open letter to John Howard…

AN OPEN LETTER TO JOHN HOWARD

Re: Nuclear Debate

Dear PM This letter may seem rather short and abrupt until you read the accompanying blog about the fears some may have about increasing the use of nuclear power in Australia. Just read the above, then catch us up. Cheers.

So, stop dismissing our fears about nuclear power, PM and give us some serious info. Your Nuclear Taskforce was a start, but when you consider how long a nuclear accident can contaminate an area, more time spent on extra study and investigation is time well-spent.

Regards,

Mr Trivia

P.S. Oh and sorry about calling you a d*cksnap earlier.

Shank's Pony

The South Perth Foreshore

Zeitgeisters,

I'm walking these days. Apparently it's healthy or something. Because I live in South Perth, I mostly walk along the Swan River foreshore. I'm enjoying it now. At first it was slightly humiliating being overtaken by octagenarian Chinese men who fought alongside Chiang Kai-Shek. But it's not about pride, is it?

I saw this sign as I tore through Sir James Mitchell Park at 2 ks per hour. I'm not a big fan of graffiti, but this entertained me. Polemical? Satirical? It says a lot more than a mere tag - and I appreciate anyone who can get my brain ticking over.


If you can't quite read it: "Once you've been with woman there is no going back!"