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Vending Machine Win


I had only planned on getting the above items.However, the vending machines in the place I work are programmed to take your money and give you nothing in return.

I required a bag of Sour Squirms. They were in the bottom right hand corner compartment - E8. I put a fiver into the note-snatcher, heard $1.50 clatter into the coin return. The large black coil holding The Squirms, rotated one turn and released the bag, it shuffled forward two centimetres, then stood teetering on the ledge, just above the pit you grab your goodies from. I willed it to fall. It trembled on the brink like a plump diver waiting for the referee's whistle. After about five seconds it became clear that my paid-for bag of Squirms was content to stay where it was - like a portly Greg Louganis, frozen in time on a sprinboard to nowhere.

There was no way I was going to allow this to happen, but because I too can be described as portly there was also no way I was going to be seen shouting at or tilting the machine. It would just be too much of a punchline. "Hey buddy, haven't you had enough? Step away from  that vending machine..."

So I put in more money and hit E8 again. Success! The bag executed a perfect pike into the retrieval bay. But the second bag I had just paid for performed a familiar move. It shuffled into coyly into position as though auditioning for one of Yum-Yum in the Mikado. And then it stood there. I considered pulling a few Butoh moves to express my distress.

And then I had an idea. I chucked in some more coins and watched as a small bar of Cadbury hazelnut chocolate fell from it's home in D8 and nudged the second bag of Squirms, dislodging it from the ledge. Both items landed in the retrieval bay and I - in the manner of a national song you might know - grabbed them with glee. I had sucessfully outwitted the vending machine. I had triumphed over technology. I was so pleased with this victory, that I went to the next class I was teaching and explained to them my genius while sharing out the extra squirms and chocolate I had no need for.

I had paid out a mere 6 dollars to halt the Rise of The Machines. And it was money well spent.

Mr Trivia

Comments

Anonymous said…
You are a hero amongst us the mere mortals that can only dream to one day use our brain sauce to triumph in such a manner.
Ashleigh said…
I found that incredibly entertaining and refreshing. Good on you to keep perservering, even with a cost of $6. Haha.

www.onionsblog.blogspot.com
Mr Trivia said…
Thank you Anonymous, my saucy brain has rarely been used so effectively. By the way, I have read your various wrtitings over the centuries - YOU ROCK!
Mr Trivia said…
Hi Ashleigh, thanks for the compliments - I appreciate them muchly. I went to your blog and enjoyed your writing. Make sure you say hello to the rest of Canada for me - at your own pace, of course...

Cheers!

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