Bed Linen Faux Pas

By Gerald Fie

I was talking with friends while purchasing bed linen. Inexpensive linen. Kmart’s Homebrand. My attention wasn’t fully on the task at hand. I thought I had bought a sober black and grey set. Many of you are shuddering now, but I have no problem with the idea of living in a house of black, white and stainless steel surfaces. Reflective, metallic surfaces, glass and recessed–lights – the future as seen from 1979 is what I'm shooting for. And as long as I had a chromed robot called Vacxy to clean those surfaces, I would be as happy as Larry. Larry Fortensky.

It wasn’t until I prewashed the linen that I realised the 30% drop off in my attention had led me to choose a rather more ‘shiny’ bed set than I had anticipated. Shiny metal and glass–good. Shiny quilt cover–bad.

As you can see in the photograph, there’s a circular “motif” on the pillow cover. The fake satin look of the quilt cover is unnecessarily garish. It might be okay for costuming an Earth, Wind and Fire tribute band, but restful, it is not.  I can’t recall what Homebrand calls this design triumph, but I’m dubbing it Spirograph at the Roller Disco. 

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